I’m struggling a bit at the moment. My body is deteriorating ever so slightly all of the time. There are many nights that I think about blogging but seeing as I usually can’t move my hands by that point, or sit up etc, etc, it never seems to happen. I promise myself that I’ll manage it during the day but I’m only just successful at dragging myself about, doing the things that my family needs, there is never the time or the energy for even opening my laptop.
All of that must sound pretty grim and in some ways it is, I’m worse than I have ever been and I am trying to manage that with almost no pain relief. I am happy not to add pain relievers to the chemical cocktail that I must take every day but I also sometimes just wish for a break. The funny thing is that I am probably happier than I have been since my disease began. I can accept it (which doesn’t mean it’s any less draining!) and I am just getting on with life instead of fighting against being ill all of the time.
My big girl started highschool this year, I was so stressed about it, she’s such a naive and I suppose sheltered girl. I don’t really know how that happened! As is usually the case though, she has surprised us. Poss has taken to her new school, new friends and new responsibilities with ease. As long as we don’t focus on the lost USB and house keys – aaaarrgghhh! Who puts those things in a non-zip pocket? They were on a lanyard for a reason! She’s off to her Year 8 camp tomorrow (ooh crap – remind me to go and get small tube of sunscreen, won’t you?). She seems happy and she seems more mature every day.
Rhubarb (he’s 16 now, the horror!) has started Year 11. Despite serious finger wagging talks before school resumed he came to me last week with a look that said “I am weighed down by the weight of a thousand weighty things” and asked for some guidance with an assignment. There followed three hours of sitting with him while he worked and gently nudging along the process. In fairness to him, he’s doing a lot of pretty heavy-duty subjects and even if he asks for help, it’s for small things rather than “could you just write it for me, Mum?”. Mainly because he knows I would laugh. He told me that maths (which is usually a strength of his) has started moving ahead of him just a bit too fast and he feels like he’s not keeping up. It’s just hit him that this is quite a serious business and it’s not getting any easier from here on in. He’s finally accepted the wisdom of our approach to homework scheduling but he has accepted it in that resentful, I’m not acknowledging that I have accepted it way that only teenagers can muster. I know he’s 16 and it’s to be expected but could he be any more moody? And there are girls hovering around. Do you realise that I am not yet 35 and could end up a Nana by the time I am if he’s not careful. It’s terrifying.
The little two are just as time-consuming but more cute so it evens out. Okay, here is where I am really concerned about how little I have been blogging. I can’t remember what I bloody call the 6yo here. That’s troubling. I’ll have to remember that or think of something else by the time I come back to update about them. That’s the thing about infrequent blogging, there is so much to say that the posts become epic and completely without focus.
I shall return soon.