As I’ve mentioned before, Beefcake works from home. I like it, really, it’s good. However, in the interest of science (and catharsis for me), I thought I would put together a little pro/con list so that everyone is clear about what sort of man Beefcake is to live with.
Please indulge me.
- He helps with the grocery shopping, so I don’t have to lift anything.
- We save money on fuel as he doesn’t have to drive to work.
- He’s always here, so I never have to get lonely and miss him (everyone say awww).
- He’s able to participate more in the kid raising, just by virtue of being here more.
- He’s able to help more with the house cleaning, same reason.
- He’s a very clever person and makes good conversation, when he’s not working.
- He’s able to help more with the food eating, we run through more groceries and he has also *ahem* expanded a bit cos he snacks when he normally wouldn’t.
- He doesn’t drive to work but does insist that he drive everywhere else cos “he’s a better driver”.
- He’s always here.
- He’s able to participate more in the kid-raising, especially in the areas of undermining me and doing things in a way that are counter-productive to maintaining any sort of discipline in the house. Also, feeding the kids junk, despite being asked not to. Repeatedly.
- He is able to help more with the cleaning. Really we split it fairly evenly considering he works long hours in a paying job, however, there’s now the mess he makes by being here. The man leaves a trail of disgusting behind him wherever he goes. He leaves clothes where they fall. Cups, plates, wrappers are all strewn around the house. He thinks deodourising spray is for cleaning clothes. He has actually told me he wouldn’t wash them if it weren’t for me.
- Toilet paper. We’ve trebled out toilet paper use. I don’t know how or why. OMG.
- He’s always here.
- He is either speaking in monosyllabic grunts, whilst staring at his computer or subjecting me to a hyperverbose rant about something or other.
- He is annoying.
- He’s become a little bit laid back in the personal hygiene department because he no longer has to leave the house.
So, as you can see, living with Beefcake, without the reprieve of either of us going to work, is a complete arse-up (in scientific terms). This experiment has shown that I am in fact some sort of saintly wife-goddess for enduring his daily presence, scientifically speaking. The thing is, I love Beefcake. There is really very little I would change about him, if anything. He is the unique blend of repulsive/annoying character traits that I fell in love with. I do, however, think that, at the very least, I should receive some sort of danger money.