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Being a parent is sometimes hard to do

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What would you do if your ex and his wife had decided that one child (Rhubarb) was bad to the bone? They have always treated him this way, even though it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

What if he had gotten to the point of not wanting to see them anymore (actually it’s been that way on and off for years), after years of being second best at their house (to Poss)? He’s old enough now to make that call isn’t he?

What if he finally stood up to their rule of not bringing any of his years and years of Christmas and birthday gifts home and brought all his gear home and now they are demanding he return them. They have a new child now and have informed him that they want to keep his presents for when she is older, so he can’t have them. OMFG.

What would you do if they were calling, wanting to talk ‘strategies’ for ‘managing’ him but you see no problem? They have said and done things over the years that have hurt and damaged him. He has had enough. I’m tired of forcing him to spend time with them. I want to tell him he’s right. His Dad is a loser, who is a Dad when it suits him and doesn’t care to support them financially or emotionally most of the time. I know I have to try and ensure that they have a relationship, but I have been dong this for years. Trying to mend all the hurt and disappointment for my boy.

I know I have to deal with this, but I want to tell them to go away and leave him alone. I feel we’d be all so much better off if he would just go away, of course I don’t wish that for them but they have a Dad who lives with them. They both see Beefcake as their father, especially Rhubarb, who has been so let down over the years.

I want to tell my ex to go shove it up his arse. What would you do?

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5 responses

  1. Oh Man, this is so bone-chillingly familiar to me.I think you need to “talk strategies” with them. I think you need to ask them what THEY see as the problem. And I think you need to stay calm and really listen so that they can talk enough to shoot themselves in the feet.I think you need to suggest that you have family therapy to help Rhubarb. And then tell the therapist the truth. The situation as YOU see it. (unless they refuse therapy)Because any other course of action (not making him go to their house etc) will make you the potential villain. Which won’t help Rhubarb in the long term.Maybe you can do what I am doing? No sleepovers during the week, because they can’t handle the stress of school night responsibilities. You can say that it’s too much for Rhubarb.Hope this helps in some tiny way.(((((( Big Hug ))))))

  2. My Son is 14 now. About the age of 12 and a half, he decided that he no longer wanted to go to his Dad’s house for the every other weekend visits, and the every Thursday night visits. He had good reasons. They turned his bedroom into a storage closet, for one, and he had no where to sleep but on an old sofa. His wicked step monster, bitchface, treated him like dung, and he was tired of it. He had nothing to do at his Father’s house, and therefore was bored often, and got yelled at for being obnoxious, due to boredom.12.5 is far old enough to decide that you don’t feel comfortable in your surroundings.He wanted to stop going, and I let him.One thing that I made sure of, he had to be honest with his Father.Another thing, I never, ever, confessed my negative feelings towards his Father. As you said, he can see and learn these things on his own.Taking the moral high ground will teach him what a strong, respectable person looks like.Good luck, hon. It’s a tough road.

  3. That’s a rough situation! I’m not really able to give advice, but I feel for you. I hope it works out.

  4. This sucks. My first instinct would be to rant and rave and wail at anyone who hurt my child so. But it would only hurt more. I’ve written and deleted this comment 6 times, no matter what I think I want to say, it’s wrong, it’s not enough. Hugs hon. And hugs to Rhubarb. They don’t deserve him.

  5. This is so awful. Boy you poor your son. How awful. At least hes got such a good mama who makes him feel loved and important

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