Adelaide is situated on a plain, sandwiched between the ocean and a low mountain range. This means that, for the most part, Adelaide is flat. It is gloriously flat. It is flat and you can drive up into the hills and have a view of the ocean or you can turn around, almost anywhere in Adelaide and feel cosily surrounded by our encircling hills. It is lovely, it is flat.
Beefcake, being quite the obsessive, has recently developed himself a hankering for some countrification. He would like a property in the hills. He dreams of growing our own food and keeping animals. Now, I’m not entirely against this dream. I like the thought of it too. I see just a few minor problems with the whole deal:
- Beefcake would occasionally like to have the effort of breathing removed from his daily list of chores, he is the laziest man alive*. Self-sufficiency farming is not for him. He thinks it is, but it is not.
- I have a dread fear of hills. I have warned him that the only way I could consider living in a hilly area is if we could approach the property on completely flat land, the property was completely flat, and we weren’t near any cliffs or vantage points from which one might obtain a killer view. Kind of not so hilly, then. I have nightmares about hills. I dream that I am *shock horror* Walking. Up. A. Hill. My fear of hills is fairly firmly entrenched, and if you saw some of the houses in the Adelaide hills, yours would be too. They just perch those babies on the edge of a slope, they look fit to slide off at any moment. Terrifying.
- I like cities. We choose Adelaide, which is almost painfully small, for raising our kids but I would like to be in London, or anywhere really loud and colourful and dirty really. I love cities. If you want to feel like you live in a city in the tiny not-tropolis that is Adelaide, then you have to be in a very inner suburb.
- For the love of god, we are not changing the kids schools again.
Beefcake knows I’m afraid of hills. He knows that the chances I will say yes to this little whim are next to zero and still he whines. Now all of our house-hunting is punctuated with “I’d love a property in the hills”. He finds it amusing to annoy me.
I am destined to be the killjoy for our entire relationship. Always the crushing of his dreams is my job. Poor Beefcake.
The thing is, I have to admit that I too, would like to have a little bit more space and, apart from their being hilly, the hills are lovely. And, really, they are very close to the city. I really shouldn’t be admitting to this here (because he’ll read it) but I wish I could get over my fear of hills because as long as we could commute the kids to school, I would be willing. Maybe not so much for a property, but a house up there at least.
If only I could shake the feeling that I will die if I try to reside anywhere hilly. How does one shake such an entrenched fear, I wonder?
*Except when it comes to his work, at some time, (probably mysteriously and in the dead of night) he acquired a killer work ethic. If there are hours to be put in he will do it. He is the king of being thorough and having all your bases covered.