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Just needing to write it down

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My Pa is still with us. Five days since they decided to stop taking life-saving measures. I’m not even going in to all that means. I can’t stand to think about it.

My Mum called last night and asked me to speak to him. Worried that I had not had a chance to say goodbye and that, maybe, he is hanging on because he hasn’t said a proper goodbye to all of us. I’m glad I talked to him but it was hard.

I will never forget the sound of his breathing as my mother held the phone to his ear. I told her that his breathing sounded horrible. She told me “it is, Ali, it is”.

I have had to work in hospitals, with elderly people who are close to death like this but hearing “the death rattle” in this context was more distressing than I could have imagined.

It’s a bit odd but it helps so much to be able to read other peoples blogs and to write here. It’s escapism, sure, but it’s what I need right now.

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One response

  1. Oh Ali. This is so sad. I’m so sorry I’ve been completely self-absorbed and not properly able to notice what’s been happening.I’m so sorry. And I’m so sorry that he is now gone (you turned off comments and so I had to post it here).(((((((((( BIG HUGS ))))))))))))I’m shedding a tear for you. I know how hard it is to lose someone dear to us. I wish there was something that I could say, but just know that I’m thinking of you and sending you all my love.xxxxxxx

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