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Stuff I should probably keep to myself

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I’ve been trying to decide whether to post about this or not. I decided not yesterday, but today I think maybe I should write it out and see how I feel. So here goes.

My mum came around yesterday. I don’t see her too much, due to the situation with my father.

We got to talking about some family stuff and it came out that my Aunty had told me something that my Mum didn’t want me to know. I won’t go into details here but I’m glad that I know.

She became enraged that my Aunty had told me and that I had told my sister. She insists that it was her right to decide when (if) we were told. It is not a secret of hers. Not about her. About another family member. Something I’m glad we now know. My sister and I believe it’s important we know.

She became so distressed and said some unfortunate things.

She is grieving for her father. She is stressed. There’s a lot going on for her right now.

She said that she feels perhaps she should cut off contact between herself and us.

My sister is 34 weeks pregnant with her second child. My mother is demonising my sister and I. Has decided that we are the problem, causing her the stress. Instead of leaving her abusive, alcoholic husband, a man who hates her and is almost unbearable to live with, she is shutting us out.

She has told almost none of the extended family that her marriage is over, so, in front of them, she behaves as though everything is normal. It is undignified and wrong. Quite frankly it’s disgusting. She’s choosing that over a relationship with her children.

My sister doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to speak to her again.

I just don’t know. I can’t believe this has happened to our family.

My father really fucked things up years ago but I can’t believe things have ended up this way with my mother.

I don’t know how to feel.

How can she think that this is okay?

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7 responses

  1. Oh Ali. (((((((((( BIG HUGS ))))))))Firstly, if this was stuff that you should keep to yourself, then my whole blog should be deleted. :)Secondly, this is your Mum’s crap. Absolutely. It’s horrendous that she’s using you and your sister as her playing field, but she is. And you have to step aside and let her burn herself out without taking it on board yourself.Hard words, I know. But there’s no other way. You can’t change her. She’s been in an abusive relationship for a long time. She’s chosen her abuser over her children for a long time. She’s not going to stop now.Her fury at whatever it was that her sister told you is because she is desperately trying to control at least some aspect of her life. She also thinks, somewhere deep inside, that you, her children, are still controllable.SHE’S WRONG.You know what you know. You’ve seen what you’ve seen. You deserve better, but this is the “lot” that life has thrown you.You CAN get through this, my friend. It is hard, and incredibly emotionally challenging, but you have to leave her to her mess and say “enough is enough”. Are you close to your sister? Is it enough for her to have you in her life? It sounds as though your Mum would not be helpful with new babies with all of this confusion going on in her own life.”Leave her husband? Not leave her husband?” That’s a choice that she finds too difficult to make. So she changes it to “leave her children? Not leave her children?” and thinks that she can handle that one.It’s SO not about you. Truly.Sorry about my rant. And sorry about my strong opinions. I couldn’t ‘help myself. I care, and if there’s any way that I can help you through this, I’m here for you.xoxo

  2. Thankyou Fe. You’re right. I know you’re right. My sister and I are very close. I will be attending the birth of her new babe in Jan. It’s true. At the moment, all our mother has to offer us is stress. As hard as it is, I know I have to turn aside from her and let her walk her own path at this point. Just wish it wasn’t so, I guess.What on earth would I do if it weren’t for blogging? ;)

  3. I know. The blogosphere offers wonders of support. I’d be lost without it. This is such a hard thing for you. And it’s so unfair. I can’t even imagine it. Thank God you and your sister are so close.It’s sad, Ali. So sad. But you know what you have to do.((((((( HUGS ))))))))

  4. Fe is a wise woman.I’m sorry you’re going through this, hon. I wish I could help.

  5. Its not ok. I ma so sorry you are going through this. Your mom is not making good decisions and Im sosorry you guys have to go through that

  6. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, and I just wish I had something to say that would help….whenever I hear about someone choosing their husband or boyfriend over their children, no matter what the situation, I am stunned by my own disbelief. I love my husband. Adore him. But if I had to choose between him and my kids? There is no choice to be made. He’s out. He knows that. And I would expect him to do the same thing….they are always to come before me. Hugs kiddo – it’s something inside your mom, but it’s nothing to do with you or your sis.

  7. Sherry – Oh, she is a wise one indeedSuzie and Badness, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, what would I do without blogging? You guys are awesome.

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