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If I buy a handbag that's too expensive, just to improve my mood, does that make me a bad person??

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I have nothing pleasant to say.

~grumble, grumble~

Rhubarb just said “Oh, you’re such a….”

~grumble, grumble~

Poss said to me this afternoon “Why do you have t be such a…..”

~grumble, grumble~

Pudding said: “I don’t like you. Any. More.”

~grumble, grumble~

Grub was grumpy before she went to bed because I wouldn’t let her have the remote control. She sat up halfway through a breastfeed and said “Aaaaahhhhhhh”

~grumble, grumble~

Does anyone else have days where it feels as though there is no path of least resistence. Everything is hard. Everything is going to cause someone to whine or moan.

I started off today with about half of the energy and inclination required to deal with everyone in a pleasant and non-grumbly way. I got up this morning and made Pudding his “I slept in my bed all night without even a teddy, I’m such a big boy” pancakes, as promised. I packed lunches and saw people off to school. I endured non-morning peoples moods with saintlike grace.

It all fell apart at around 8.30am when Grub required a quick boob and I decided to lie down for a wee while to give it to her.

The pelvis has not been behaving itself for the last week or so. This hasn’t troubled me too much. I have accepted Beefcake’s ministrations. I have taken pain-relief and rested in bed for a couple of hours each day – a task made much more pleasant by the fact that we purchased a real working bedroom television last week. It has been tolerable.

This morning when I lay down to feed and was dosed with my morning pain-killers, my body just refused to continue. I passed out. Beefcake took Grub for a while and then brought her back when she needed more boob and a nap. I ended up staying in bed until noon.

Sleeping until lunchtime should have made me a happy camper but unfortunately it has just left me in a foul mood for the rest of the day. I feel wretched and I hate everyone. I have compounded this feeling by cooking the dinner and cleaning up after the barnyard animals devoured it. This act of martyrdom has led to much muttering under breath and short tempered comments to children.

Beefcake sought to sooth me with Rhubarb flavoured black tea and a pot of diet chocolate  mousse. It did not work, largely because he then retired to the dining room to have a phone conference for work. He has been in there for nearly an hour-and-a-half now. I am bored and getting shittier by the minute.

I am awful. I know I have nothing to be grumpy about but I just hate them all. Ungrateful bastards. I think it is made worse by an underlying feeling of unfairness that has been troubling me since Tuesday.

You see, Beefcake is a large and husky gentleman. He is majestic and well rounded. He is called Beefcake for a reason. He has been this way since shortly after I met him. It has never bothered him terribly much. He is of the firm belief that one should always be kind to oneself. His internal dialogue after eating three course meal and an entire block of chocolate  is something along the lines of “Ooh that was nice, wife says you are fat but it’s not your fault, it’s glandular, you could perhaps consider a stroll some time later in the week but you musn’t put too much pressure on yourself”. I must say I think this is good in most situations (my own internal dialogue is much more harsh and judgey) but I think that sometimes he needs to raise his standards a touch.

Anyhoo, lately he has been trying very hard to lose some of the excess baggage. He has been doing quite well with the eating thing. He has been keeping his snacking to a minimum and is losing small amounts of weight. On Tuesday he started having sessions with a personal trainer. He goes again tomorrow. It is revoultingly expensive but we’ve decided it’s a necessary motivator for him, at least for the time being. I’m quite jealous as I really miss going to the gym myself but Grub/pelvis/time/funds mean that I will have to put it off for a little while longer. I am quite sure that this is the core reason for the:

~grumble, grumble~

I think I have come up with a solution which, while far from cheap, will certainly put me in a cheery mood, if only temporarily.

stitchbaglugg

I am just a touch obsessed with this at the moment, you can see more shots of it here, along with other Nancybird bags. I notice that this site is out of stock, luckily there happens to be a local boutique just around the corner that stocks many of the lovely Nancybird things.

Here are the problems:

  • It is expensive, unjustifiably so, except for maybe a birthday or anniversary but June and December respectively are too long to wait.
  • I have what some might call “a lot” of handbags. I’m not going into actual numbers but I will say I like handbags a fair bit.
  • It is immature to want something just because Beefy is getting something.
  • I know we really shouldn’t be spending money on this sort of thing.
  • I am a bit of a spoilt brat.
  • I shouldn’t be using shopping to fix my grump, really, it’s a bit wrong.

Still, I can’t help thinking it would make everything better. It would, wouldn’t it?

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7 responses

  1. Ow – it sounds like you have had a painful day. I hope that when you wake tomorrow that all is well, or at least heading in that direction. Either that or the fairies of joy have found your handbag and delivered it to your door.

    del’s last blog post… True Friends

  2. Oh and I totally get the ‘well he gets to do something great/expensive/cool so I deserve to do something too’, obviously to equal or greater value or importance. It can be great fun but not so friendly for the budget. Our latest, Hubby is going to another concert, so I deserve to go to the theatre, then of course the kids love the theatre and want to come along too, and why wouldn’t they, we get to have fun and spend extraordinary amounts of $, why shouldn’t they. The cycle continues and the funds deplete more and more. He has tickets, I just don’t know if I can justify my tickets.

    del’s last blog post… True Friends

  3. I totally get it. I have days like this regularly, so I think you are doing pretty well with just once in a while.

    I cannot advise you sensibly on the handbag. I always buy things to cheer myself up. It is like a crack habit. It is why we are only going on a crap holiday this year. If I had saved all the money I had spent on other lovely things we could probably go to the moon for a month.

    Nice bag.

  4. I think when you don’t feel well it just throws everything out of whack. I hope you can get some relief soon!

    HeatherPride’s last blog post… Fat Girls Club, Week One: Slow and Steady Wins the Race, Right?

  5. It’s lovely. I’m terribly good at talking people into buying things (I practise on myself!) so maybe I shouldn’t say more. I’m sorry that you’ve had a bad day though, and I hope that tomorrow is better!

    badness jones’s last blog post… Who says romance is dead?

  6. Sometimes purses do solve everything

    Suzie’s last blog post… Tooting the Night Horn

  7. I think you did the right thing by buying this bag… but the guilt will undo it so just enjoy it.

    I think (you did ask!) that you are in bad pain and bad pain is unbearable.

    I think you should give yourself a big hug and remind yourself of how much is on your plate.

    ((((((( HUG ))))))))

    Fe’s last blog post… Boy Heaven….

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