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Wallowing, a lot actually, yes

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Something has gone very wrong with the pelvis.

It has been on a steady decline for a few months but today I have attained a whole new level of shitfulness*.

The GP was consulted last week when things began getting out of control, when I could no longer manage the pain without some prescription drugs.

The ridiculous thing is that it seems to have just continued to worsen since then. If it weren’t obscene to do so I would love to post some pics of the swelling. My lower back and …… lower front?? Anyway, the front of my pelvis, are both ridiculously swollen. Swollen as in makes your body look distorted. Freakishly swollen.

I cannot sit up. Every muscle from the middle of my back to my knees seems to spasm if I do.

I can’t really find the words to express the negativity in my thoughts at the moment. I have avoided this blog because what should I say?

I don’t know where this is heading. I am not getting better.

No one has any ideas. There is nothing that can be done to help me apparently. This is just fact. It has been over four years and I have investigated every quack, poking and prodding specialist and witch doctor there is.

What do you do if the doctor just says, “Oh, it should just be better by now. I would have thought it would be better”. That is not helpful.

What if this just continues? Continues to get worse, with no reason for it?

The pain is such a  strident factor in my life. It is like a loud hum that is the background noise for everything that I do. So loud is this white noise of pain that recently when we were out shopping I got a real shock. The pain stopped. I was standing next to Beefcake waiting for a lift and I turned to him and told him that all of a sudden there was no pain. It was indescribable. I could breath, I could hear, I could feel. It only lasted a few minutes but it made me realise how much this is affecting me.

I am not prepared to live like this for the rest of my life.

What is the alternative though?

Sorry people. You don’t need to say anything. I just needed to vent this. I am a tangled bundle of dark emotions. Decent pain relief was supposed to fix that but alas, this pain is a tough nut to crack.

*Now I wouldn’t have thought that was a real word but WP says that indeed it is so who am I to disagree.

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13 responses

  1. Oh Ali. So much empathy from me over here. No magic bullet unfortunately.

    If you ever need an ear, you know where I am.
    .-= Veronica´s last blog ..I’m a little insane. But I like it. =-.

  2. You poor thing. Hugs to you if it isn’t too painful I hope that you find some answers or some kick-arse drugs soon.
    .-= del´s last blog ..Confession Time =-.

  3. I know this might be weird ’cause I’m a “strange” and all…but {hugs}. It must be awful. I’ll be sending good vibes your way!
    .-= sleepyjane´s last blog ..Rainbowswirlz Giveaway! =-.

  4. Chronic pain is the worst. You do learn to live with it, but like you say, you don’t really realize how much it affects you until you don’t have it. I’m so sorry. Praying for you over here.
    .-= HeatherPride´s last blog ..The Short Bus Summer Scrapbook =-.

  5. More hugs from me. Hope you find some decent pain relief soon!
    .-= bevchen´s last blog ..A quick note… =-.

  6. Oh drat! I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. It sounds like you’re already doing everything you can…I just hope your GP can figure SOMETHING out. Soon.
    .-= Hyphen Mama´s last blog ..I’m alive!!! Praise Jeebus… I’m alive!!! =-.

  7. oh lovely

    Gently pelvis avoiding hugs for you. That is terrible. I know just what you mean and it isn’t funny at all.xxx

  8. OMG! That’s truly hideous! Can you see another doctor or a specialist or SOMEONE who’ll actually try to work out what’s gone wrong?
    .-= tinsenpup´s last blog ..The One I Know I Shouldn’t Write =-.

  9. Gawd, you poor thing. No wonder you feel like shit all the time. All that pain is doing your head in. What about some alternative options, chiropractry, yoga, alexander technique, acupuncture? Because “it should be better by now” is no help to anyone. xx
    .-= Stomper Girl´s last blog ..That Was the Friday That Was =-.

  10. Managing a doctor’s office, I know one of the worst things that can happen is chronic pain – no-one ever seems to believe you, or tells you that it should ‘all resolve itself soon’. All I can suggest is keep getting second opinions. Something is wrong. The lower abdomen is one of the most pain-sensitive areas in the body, the slightest swelling can cause excruciating pain. They can do amazing things these days, if they can determine what the problem is. Someone will have the answer. Keep trying. Don’t let them allow this to be your new normal.
    .-= Alison´s last blog ..Us vs. Them: Elected Officials =-.

  11. Oh babe. I wish there was something I could do, I could say, to help.

    But I can’t. So just keep talking cause bottling it up will come to no good. You know that.

    MWAH

  12. Oh, honey….I haven’t been blog hopping in forever because I was wallowing in my own misery and I finally come here today and find you like this. I’m so sorry.
    And now I’m worried because this post is old and I can’t help wondering how you are doing.
    I hope things are looking up. At the very least, I hope you are getting some answers to make things look up in the near future.
    I’ll be thinking of you. <3
    .-= sherendipity´s last blog ..Aloha, Mr. Hand. =-.

  13. I have chronic pain in my lower back and everytime I go to the doctor with a different pain he tells me it’s related to my back. Huh. How is wrist pain connected to my back? And the arthritis in my thumbs has nothing to do with my back.Now I only go to the doctor if I’m so badly inflamed that I can barely shuffle in there. Codeine is my new best friend.

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