Something has gone very wrong with the pelvis.
It has been on a steady decline for a few months but today I have attained a whole new level of shitfulness*.
The GP was consulted last week when things began getting out of control, when I could no longer manage the pain without some prescription drugs.
The ridiculous thing is that it seems to have just continued to worsen since then. If it weren’t obscene to do so I would love to post some pics of the swelling. My lower back and …… lower front?? Anyway, the front of my pelvis, are both ridiculously swollen. Swollen as in makes your body look distorted. Freakishly swollen.
I cannot sit up. Every muscle from the middle of my back to my knees seems to spasm if I do.
I can’t really find the words to express the negativity in my thoughts at the moment. I have avoided this blog because what should I say?
I don’t know where this is heading. I am not getting better.
No one has any ideas. There is nothing that can be done to help me apparently. This is just fact. It has been over four years and I have investigated every quack, poking and prodding specialist and witch doctor there is.
What do you do if the doctor just says, “Oh, it should just be better by now. I would have thought it would be better”. That is not helpful.
What if this just continues? Continues to get worse, with no reason for it?
The pain is such a strident factor in my life. It is like a loud hum that is the background noise for everything that I do. So loud is this white noise of pain that recently when we were out shopping I got a real shock. The pain stopped. I was standing next to Beefcake waiting for a lift and I turned to him and told him that all of a sudden there was no pain. It was indescribable. I could breath, I could hear, I could feel. It only lasted a few minutes but it made me realise how much this is affecting me.
I am not prepared to live like this for the rest of my life.
What is the alternative though?
Sorry people. You don’t need to say anything. I just needed to vent this. I am a tangled bundle of dark emotions. Decent pain relief was supposed to fix that but alas, this pain is a tough nut to crack.
*Now I wouldn’t have thought that was a real word but WP says that indeed it is so who am I to disagree.