I’ve written a few posts this week but when it came time to take the big leap and press the publish button I just, well, couldn’t.
It feels as though I should have something monumental to say.
This was the week that saw me finally tell my mother that I would not be around for her anymore. I just reached the end of my tether.
It should have been a big drama. It should have created big emotional turmoil for me. Or something.
I do feel a quiet kind of sadness that comes from knowing what our relationship has come to but I know. I know that it is what needs to be right now. Maybe not forever but for now.
So I haven’t been able to blog anything this week. Just because.
Yesterday was blood test/x-ray day. They took two bajillion viles of blood (they were fasting bloods I might add so I was already dizzy prior to the event) and tried to peer under my skin from all sorts of angles. The x-rays were just of my hands and wrists for the moment. They hurt very badly these days – meaning I literally can’t scratch myself. My hands being as they are was the deciding factor in getting a doctor to pay attention, I think. There are days when it is extremely painful to type.
It is great knowing that we might finally get some answers to what the heck is actually going on with my stupid bod. On the other hand I am terrified that they will not find anything. If they don’t find anything I don’t know what I will do.
We were waiting in the car today, Grub, Pudding and I. Beefcake had to just whiz into the bank for a minute. Pudding spied a shaft of light refracted through some glass. The rainbow it created on my car seat excited him, as rainbows always do.
Pudding: “It’s a rainbow Mummy, look, look!”
Me: “Ooh yes that’s lovely”
Pudding: “Muuuum, you’re not looking at it, look at it now, it’s changing, look, LOOOOOk!!!”
Me: “Yes Pudding, it’s a lovely rainbow.”
Pudding: “Mummy, is there a unicorn buried in your chair?”
Me: “????, ummmm, is there a unicorn buried in my chair?”
Pudding: “Yes, they bury gold in there, is he in there burying the gold under the rainbow in your chair?”
Beefcake now back: “You mean a leprachaun?”
Pudding: “Yeeeess (much eye rolling), a lepacon. Mummy is he IN YOUR CHAIR??!”
Me: “Ah yes, there’s a leprachaun buried in my chair, Pudding.”
Both kids have had a slight temp again the last couple of days. Grub’s temp was 40 degrees when I got her out of bed after her nap.
I’m really hoping that’s all over tomorrow.
Now it’s time for a glass of wine. Oh yes indeed.
Ooh perhaps you can help- female 40th birthday presents. I have a friend’s party to go to on Saturday and I am a terrible gift buyer. Any suggestions?