Yesterday I was lucky enough to view part of a television program purporting to catalogue the top 400 Aussie songs. As you can imagine, there was a fair bit of AccaDacca, INXS, Midnight Oil, Barnesy and *shudder* Icehouse. I think I heard some Kyles and some Noiseworks as well. A nice broad selection, representing our nations choicest musical offerings from the past two decades or so.
Now, I’m not knocking Aussie music. I like to listen to Australian music, I own plenty of it, in fact I probably have a slight bent towards liking Aussie music over that foreign nonsense.
The thing that struck me though about this countdown, is that it all seemed to be stuff that I would consider scraping the bottom of the barrel. I’m not saying that those bands/artists are at the bottom of the barrel, just that the songs that were chosen for the show seemed to be the B side off the limited edition EP that they only made a hundred of or something.
Seriously, if I wasn’t familiar with our strong musical offerings this show put forward a pretty decent case for never, ever listening to Australian music.
Allow me to demonstrate:
Vanessa Amerosi, Shine. I have a few problems with this. I’m not normally such a bitch but it really, really bothered me when I saw it. First of all, the song is dreadful. No point in denying it, it just is. Second, she seems to have a continual gale blowing directly in her face and not only does this not bother her she seems quite satisfied, no thrilled even, with that.
Finally, and most heinously of all. Her outfit. An ill-fitting black turtle neck and camel coloured pants that are two sizes too wide and made for a woman twice her height. You can get a very clear shot of this from about 2:36 onwards. I am baffled. I mean, fine, if you’re going to the supermarket to grab some milk but who wakes up in the morning and thinks “Hmmm, what do I have on today, oh yes, shooting a music video, oh I’ll just bung on the trousers I stole from the goodwill bin and my comfy old jumper, that’ll do!”
I know you’re gonna say she had a stylist or something but they had to be taking the day off that day because there’s no way anyone will convince me that someone put her in that outfit on purpose. I mean even if she’s supposed to be a hobo or something (which could very well be the case, I can’t say I was paying a lot of attention to the “storyline”) surely they could have done better, some feathers? Glitter? I think a dress of old Twisties packets and Mars bar wrappers would have been more chic.
Next I give you:
“Jackie” by B-Z featuring Joanne. I have to confess to feeling the urge to do a bit of a dance to this one. It makes you want to bop and sing along, I’ll admit but the woeful dancing and odd facial expressions had me really wondering. This is really the creme de la creme of Aussie music? Seriously?
Finally, just to bang the final nail in the coffin of Australian music as presented by this show, the threw this one at me:
Peter Andre, Mysterious Girl.
I wanted to take to my eyes with a scourer and some bleach after his oiled torso had gyrated in front of me for the length of the video clip. Uuuurrggh. I feel so dirty.
So, Happy Australia Day!
This is the best we have to offer.