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Fingers crossed

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I haven’t been able to even open my laptop really for the past few days. It felt as though opening it would open my world to the babble of all those voices. That I would have to respond. That I would have to say something of my own. I still haven’t decided how to choose which parts I am able to share and which I just am not.

I am very relieved and happy to say that my Mum did not return to live with my father.

I wish that I could say that she has stayed away because she has finally broken free, that she will never go back. She says that this is the case but it has been such a long road that I will need some time before I can trust it.

His state of mind continued to deteriorate.

I can’t or won’t (I’m not sure which) go into the details of it. A friend told me that it is all so bizarre and dramatic that you couldn’t make it up. That’s true but there is nothing funny or light hearted that I can pull out of all that tangled mess.

It took many years for me to realise that I need not carry shame for who he is, for the things that he has done. I feel so angry that he has invaded my life with that shame again. I can’t write the things that he has done and that infuriates me.

Thankfully it all finally came to a head and he was arrested and subsequently placed in a secure facility. Not before terrorising many people. Actually, it was the fact that he finally did something overtly threatening to a stranger in a public place and commited petty theft that got him arrested. Without that perhaps it would still be going on.

Despite repeated calls (from many different sources) ACIS have continued to buy all of his manipulative bullshit. To them he is a nice, if unwell, man who hasn’t been supported properly by his family. One member of the team actually told her that “it’s a recipe for disaster leaving him alone like that”, whilst they were inspecting the damage he had done to the house. Because it’s her fault. Naturally. When a violent alcoholic psychopath is threatening to kill you, you stay and care for them.

She was granted a restraining order today.

She has a lawyer.

It looks like he will be in a secure facility for some time yet.

We are slowly getting my Mum convinced of how to proceed. She is shell shocked. She is traumatised. She has been abused for so long that it will take her a long time to see things clearly.

She is alive, though, and I am just holding my breath that she will stay away. I hope he’s done enough now that she will never go back.

I hope.


12 responses

  1. creativekerfuffle

    i hadn’t been by in awhile so i’m just now catching up. though my dad hasn’t ended up in jail, he too is an alcoholic and mentally abusive, so i can sort of feel your pain. i hope your mom finally realizes she needs to be away from him after this.

  2. Oh, wow. I’m gald that your mother is safe. I’m really appalled at the social services (if I understand what ACIS is) worker suggested that your mother was responsible for what was going on.
    .-= alejna´s last blog ..head in a fog =-.

    • Thanks Alenja. Yeah, ACIS is the Assessment and Crisis Intervention Service. They are a mental health triage service that families, the public, the police and health professionals call to have a person assessed for compulsory admission to hospital. They are trained mental health workers, they should have been able to pick up on what was going on but one of them knows my father personally from a previous hospital admission or something and has allowed this to colour his judgement. My father is a skilled manipulator but I am very disappointed at how this service has responded to his case.

  3. Finally some positive news for you and your mum. It is so sad that ‘the system’ that should be protecting everyone doesn’t work well enough to protect your mum and your family. It saddens me that a person or a situation has to hit rock bottom and be impacting on the wider world or as in this case involves criminal action before any action takes place. I hope now that you can all get the support you need so that your mum can move on safely. Take care.
    .-= del´s last blog ..Weekly Winners #18 =-.

  4. Oh Honey.
    .-= Veronica´s last blog ..Have Your Say: Food Issues =-.

  5. I’m so glad your Mum is safe for the time being and I hope she stays strong. And I hope this settles down again for you, because it sounds completely shitty. Thinking of you x.
    .-= Stomper Girl´s last blog ..The Saga of the Lost Sandal =-.

  6. I am so glad that your mum is in a place of safety. I know just what you are going through and you have all my love and sympathy, and also my rage for what you have had to endure, particularly from people who should know better and who should be supporting you.


  7. Wow. That’s great that he’s in a secure facility. But it’s going to be a tough road for your Mum. And for you.

    So sorry sweetie.

    .-= Fe´s last blog ..Dear Blog… =-.

  8. Oh Ali, that is devastating for you. No matter what happens, you will forever feel it. I hope you have a support system (in your husband and friends)and give your mum any support you feel you can offer her.

    If you feel you really NEED to get some words out there, OUT of your head for fear it will explode email me and I have a link to another site you can post completely anonymously. I’ve posted to it several times and the release I’ve felt is unmeasurable. hyphenmama[at]q[dot]com
    .-= Hyphen Mama´s last blog ..Dear Mrs Scatter, =-.

  9. Hugs, biggest hugs.
    .-= tiff´s last blog ..Normal is normal. =-.

  10. Have had similar frustrations with ACIS regarding a family member who I can no longer have contact with. I agree with you, you’d think they would be the first to see the manipulation, but in my experience they only saw what made it easier for them to walk away having done nothing to assist.

    Having said that, I hope for you that your family are now given time and space to heal and that your father receives the care and treatment he needs also.

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