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I have so many posts in drafts it’s beyond a joke. I start and then don’t get around to finishing and I then I just decide to start again because I am not in that space any more and it feels false or something. Glad of the glimpse into my inner workings? I thought you would be.

On the weekend, Beefcake and my brother-in-law helped my Mum move into her new house. She is still guided by the habits of the last few decades. Sometimes she’ll say something or rather that she’s planning to do something and we all have to explain to her why that’s not a good idea and it would be just as easy to take option b, which will break these patterns and spare her all sorts of stress. She’s made a lot of progress though and having her in her own house is such a big step, we are all very relieved.

I’m not really comfortable calling my father by name or calling him my father, really, so from now on I will refer to him as B.

B has been re-detained in hospital under another 21 day order. He will be in hospital now until the middle of March and he may well be detained again. I suspect that they will have trouble getting any medication to work for him now, he has been heading in that direction for many years (in my opinion). Despite being very heavily medicated he was becoming more and more unstable, with each passing month.

The restraining order becomes final on Wednesday. My mother told me with a heartbreaking smile that it is their 37th wedding anniversary. There is no correct way to respond to that.

My nightmares and insomnia have worsened but I have recently read that this may be a side-effect of the arthritis medication I am taking. I see the Rheum on Wednesday and unfortunately, after three months, I have seen no improvement. In fact, my arthritis is worsening, with new joints now affected.

I’m very disappointed. I have decided that if the Rheum says the other drug options are not compatible with breastfeeding then I will wean Grub. She is 20 months old and I wanted to get to 2 years but my pain is so bad that I feel a little bit trapped. I am sad but I’m sure she’d rather have a functional Mummy than boob…….Ummmm, maybe not, but that’s what she’s getting.

I had an excellent GP visit last week. Not my usual GP, but one I’ve taken the kids to before and he was so sympathetic to my need to keep getting pain med prescriptions that he gave me the mother of all authorities (means I can get large amounts of pain med very cheaply on the pharmaceutical benefits scheme). The size of the script is almost comical but we discussed the next step up for pain management and let’s just say I hope I don’t ever have to go there. It is a relief I won’t have to worry about it running out. Usually when it does I tell Beefcake that I am going to try and go without for a while. I get more and more grumpy and eventually give in and go to the GP.

This time he rang and made an appointment for me before that could happen.

He’s learning.


5 responses

  1. I weaned Isaac for just that reason. He’s 13mths and I am sad sad sad, but now, he’ll let Nathan put him down for bed, so win, right? Still, sad.

    (((hugs))) for all the B stuff. I hope that the insomnia/nightmares are just a side effect of the meds and can be fixed.
    .-= Veronica´s last blog ..Handy Manny – Tooling Around – review =-.

  2. So much going on for you right now. Sounds like you are being an amazing support for your mum, I hope you are taking time to look after you a little bit too.

    As for weaning at 20 months, that’s pretty damn close – close enough to call it two, I reckon. 20 months is about 20 months more than a lot of kids get, I think you deserve to think about you for a while.

    .-= Lara´s last blog ..New Shirt =-.

  3. Beefcake is a super-star! And a quick (?) learner :)

    I’m so glad your Mum has moved… although am not surprised that she is still behaving as is her habit. Will take a long time to heal and change.

    And BIG HUGS for hopefully not having to wean Grub. I had to wean Boo because of medication. It was very difficult.

    .-= Fe´s last blog ..Nothing like making a friend to put a smile on your dial… =-.

  4. I think at 20 months Grub will be better off with a bottle and a functioning mummy, so hear hear. Glad that B-related stuff is sort of in control at present, really that seems to be the best you can hope for.
    .-= Stomper Girl´s last blog ..Balls of Steel. =-.

  5. You are doing a fantastic job and have beautiful children and a wonerful husband. Taking care of yourself will only benefit you and those you love. Take care.
    .-= del´s last blog ..Delusional =-.

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