It has been so long since I blogged that I barely know how to do this any more. I poke my fingers at these keys and hope to make a sentence that contains some meaning, yes?
I wish I had a really, truly earth-shatteringly good reason why I have not been about the place, truth is, I’ve just not been able to muster up the energy to drag out my laptop and type something. Quite bizarre that I could go from having it permanently welded to my lap to not touching it for weeks on end.
Life has just been too exhausting. There has been the near constant dramas that my mother has been subjected to by B. It’s kind of progressing in a two steps forward, one back kind of a way. He seems intent on making it as difficult as possible, as is his way. For someone so lazy I’m surprised by the amount of energy that he has been able to throw towards not leaving her alone. He plays the victim most passionately and is devoting a large portion of his life to trying to inform as many people as he can that he has been grievously wronged. So tedious.
My major problem, however, has been this new medication that I am taking for my pelvis. It is a quite toxic concoction that is used for all sorts of things, including chemotherapy. Whilst I am taking a teeny weeny dose, nothing like that which would be used for chemo, it has had some pretty significant side-effects.
I am constantly nauseous, I rarely vomit so I haven’t actually been subjected to that but I sometimes wish I could. It’s not just the nausea, I literally have ZERO energy. Some days I feel as though lifting my arm is just asking too much of my body. To begin with I tried talking myself out of it. I mean, I am on a tiny dose, it’s ridiculous that it could make me feel this bad, isn’t it? In the end I decided that I was doing myself no favours by persisting with the continuous loop of nasty, negative internal dialogue. I realised that if I accept that this drug has the power to do me some good then it also has the power to inflict horrible side-effects on me. And, I have to say, it does seem to be making a difference to my pain levels, not a sudden, “Oh my god, I’m all better, I am now capable of running a marathon” sort of better but a gradual easing. I am still needing pain relief but less and less all the time.
So, here’s to hoping that it continues to work and stops making me sick because, honestly, I don’t know how much more I can take of this lying about while the children trash the house around me. There are now more crayon wall murals than there is clean wall and I’ve just had to come to terms with the housewide carpet of toys.
I hope that the house will smell better after today. Beefcake had SA water come and clear a blockage in the drain outside our house today.I now have a bucket of waste buried in my back yard to attest to just how revoulting a blockage it was. Hmmm, no wonder our house smelled so unsavoury.
Thank you to all of you who have emailed to find out what’s happening. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, it does. My feedreader is stupidly full. I will try to pop in and comment but I fear I will have to just hit mark as read and start afresh to make it manageable, you’ll forgive me, right?